Romance scammers don’t always ask for money straight away. Some spend weeks or months building trust, creating emotional connections and making their stories appear genuine before attempting to take advantage of someone.
Understanding how these scams develop can help you recognise warning signs before it’s too late.
The following fictional story illustrates how a romance scam might unfold.
Jessica and Martin’s Story: How a Romance Scam Unfolded
1. The First Connection
Jessica, an Australian businesswoman in her forties, met a man named Martin through an online dating website.
Martin’s profile described him as an Australian aid worker stationed overseas in Ghana. He was a widower with a young daughter and said he was looking for a serious relationship.
His photos showed a friendly, well-dressed man around Jessica’s age. His interests included sports and outdoor activities, which matched Jessica’s own.
Everything about his profile seemed genuine.
Warning sign: Scammers often create believable profiles using attractive photos, familiar interests and personal stories designed to appeal to potential partners.
2. Moving Conversations Away From the Dating Site
Shortly after they connected, Martin explained that he couldn’t reliably access the dating website while working overseas.
He suggested they communicate through personal email and phone calls instead.
Jessica agreed, and they began speaking regularly.
Over the following months, Martin was attentive, caring and interested in Jessica’s life. He listened to her problems, asked about her business and frequently told her how much he missed her.
Eventually, he confessed his love for her.
Jessica felt she’d found someone she could trust.
Warning sign: Scammers may encourage members to move conversations away from dating platforms, making suspicious interactions harder to report or investigate.
3. The First Request for Money
One day, Martin contacted Jessica with an upsetting story.
He claimed he’d been robbed while working away from his camp and had lost his wallet.
According to Martin, the hotel where he was staying was holding his passport until he paid an outstanding bill.
He explained that he would receive his salary soon but urgently needed $1,200 to settle the payment.
Because Jessica trusted him and believed he would repay her, she transferred the money.
Warning sign: Unexpected emergencies involving stolen belongings, travel problems or unpaid bills are common excuses scammers use to request money.
4. Creating a More Serious Emergency
Several weeks later, Martin called Jessica in distress.
He claimed his young daughter had been seriously injured in a car accident and urgently needed an operation.
He said the hospital required $8,000 before treatment could proceed.
Jessica was horrified and worried about the child’s safety.
Wanting to help, she quickly transferred the money.
Warning sign: Scammers often use medical emergencies involving children or family members to create urgency and emotional pressure.
5. Promising a Future Together
After some time, Martin told Jessica about an investment opportunity involving oil exploration.
He claimed the project would help a local community and provide investors with substantial returns.
Martin encouraged Jessica to invest $40,000, promising that the profits would help them buy a home together when he returned to Australia.
Jessica was hesitant because it was a significant amount of money.
She spoke with friends and family, who expressed concerns that Martin might be a scammer.
When Jessica questioned him, Martin became upset and insisted that his feelings were genuine.
He sent photographs that he claimed showed him with his daughter and members of the local community.
Despite her concerns, Jessica decided to trust him and sent the money.
Warning sign: Scammers may use promises of financial rewards or a shared future to persuade someone to make increasingly large payments.
6. The Requests Keep Coming
Over the following months, Martin continued asking Jessica for money.
He claimed he needed additional payments for investment fees, taxes and other unexpected expenses.
By this stage, Jessica had transferred more than $90,000.
Her friends continued expressing concern, but Jessica found it increasingly difficult to discuss the relationship with them.
Whenever she questioned Martin, he reassured her that he loved her and that everything he was doing was for their future together.
Warning sign: Repeated financial requests, emotional reassurance and pressure to ignore concerns from family or friends are common manipulation tactics.
7. Realising Something Was Wrong
Eventually, Jessica began noticing that many of their conversations involved money.
The requests were becoming more frequent, and Martin still hadn’t made arrangements to meet her.
When he asked for another payment to organise his travel to Australia, Jessica decided she’d had enough.
She refused to send more money.
Martin’s messages and phone calls became increasingly demanding and angry.
Jessica finally recognised that the relationship had been a scam.
She was devastated.
Not only had she lost most of her life savings, but she’d also developed genuine feelings for someone who had deliberately deceived her.
She found it difficult to discuss what had happened because she felt embarrassed and worried about how others would react.
Warning sign: Scammers may become angry, threatening or manipulative when someone refuses to send additional money.
What Can We Learn From Jessica’s Story?
Jessica’s experience shows how romance scams can develop gradually.
The scammer didn’t immediately ask for money. Instead, he built trust, created an emotional connection and introduced financial requests over time.
Some important lessons include:
- Take your time: Be cautious of someone who quickly develops strong romantic feelings or makes promises about a future together.
- Keep conversations on RSVP initially: Be wary of anyone who immediately pressures you to communicate elsewhere.
- Never send money: Don’t transfer money for emergencies, travel expenses, investments or other financial requests.
- Question inconsistencies: Repeated excuses about meeting, financial problems or changing personal circumstances may be warning signs.
- Listen to people you trust: Friends and family may notice concerning behaviour that’s difficult to recognise when you’re emotionally involved.
- Trust your instincts: If something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore your concerns.
What If You’ve Already Sent Money?
If you believe you’ve been targeted by a romance scam, it’s important to act quickly.
- Stop sending money and discontinue communication with the suspected scammer.
- Contact your bank or payment provider immediately to report the transactions and ask whether any payments can be recovered.
- Secure your accounts by changing passwords if you’ve shared login details or other sensitive information.
- Keep relevant evidence, including messages, usernames and transaction records.
- Report the member to RSVP so our team can investigate the account.
- Report the scam to Scamwatch for further guidance.
If you’ve experienced financial loss or threats, you can also report the matter to the police.
Romance scams can have serious financial and emotional consequences. If you’ve been affected, consider speaking with someone you trust or seeking professional support.
Remember: Scammers Can Be Very Convincing
Romance scammers often use emotional manipulation, believable stories and promises of a future together to gain trust.
They may appear caring and genuine for months before making financial requests.
Never send money or provide financial assistance to someone you’ve met online, regardless of how convincing their story may seem.
If you suspect someone is attempting to scam you, stop communicating and report the profile to RSVP.